Cinderella pantomime at Contact Theatre – review

You don’t need much encouragement to give this panto a boo. It may have a classic story and all the classic genre staples, but is that alone a winning formula? Oh no, it isn’t.

It’s all there in the Cinderella story: it’s a bit of magic that transforms the humble ingredients into something remarkable. But much of this production feels so lacklustre that it barely makes the effort to lift the wand, let alone cast a spell.

It starts promisingly. Allusions to key elements of the story wink like the sparkles of the glass slipper. Expository shadow play shows silhouettes in a round orange glow that resembles a pumpkin. Dancers point out their hands and wind them round like a clock. In an early sequence, the child dancers bounce and hop like the little flecks of soot Cinderella is covered in and nicknamed after.

We also start each half with an almost 3D, cinematic video, flying through a forest along a path up to the castle, although the subsequent projections are only static backdrops.

There’s a slight tattiness to the set that essentially gives us the rags, but never transforms into something dazzling. The carriage reveal manages some wonder, lighting up and appearing out of nowhere, in front of a back wall of twinkling lights.

There may be princes and princesses, but the songs sound like royalty-free renditions heard in a supermarket. Shania Twain’s “Man! I Feel Like A Woman!” is flat, slipping out of time and tune. None of it’s helped by sound mixing that leaves voices completely swamped and inaudible, particularly in verses and low notes.

The music itself is a generic array of contemporary pop hits, before deciding to go eclectic with a second-half medley travelling through every decade from the 60s to today.

There’s also a pun overload, even if some are enjoyable: someone who’s had a pig’s ear transplant is described as “Fine, but there’s a bit of crackling”. A delivery driver who kicks a parcel across the stage “must be from Evri”. But then there are strange jokes referencing the recent spate of fights among Manchester theatregoers, child labour, phone hacking and British Asian drag queen Lady Bushra’s remark: “Be nice, I’m an ethnic minority”.

Bushra and fellow drag queen Misty Chance aren’t quite barbed and scathing enough as the stepsisters. Their performances feel uncommitted and spiritless, distinctly lacking meanness – particularly without an evil stepmother to drive it – that’s not worth mustering a hiss for.

For a simple fairytale, the story is clumsily told and hard to follow. Scenes either trail off or come crashing into the next. Prince Charming is heavily sidelined and the ball takes forever to arrive, teased at the end of a slow and long first half.

Rebecca Crookson’s bright, soft Cinderella gets it right. Sweet without being sickly, endearing without being earnest. She feels at odds with almost everyone around her. Red Remond’s Buttons provides the eager charisma and audience interaction, but his scenes are repetitive.

The shabbiness of Kate Mitchell’s fairy godmother, fluffing entrances, exits and lines (not always deliberately), detracts from moments like the carriage reveal. She advises us again at the end against hanging around past midnight. But in this case, I’m not sure she needs to worry.