Bring Me the Head of Adam Riches

The early sketches passed in a joyous whirl, as characters including a pushy agent and a professional swing ball player worked their magic – the latter very literally putting the audience in the line of fire.

So it came as something of a shock when Riches, in the guise of Daniel Day Lewis, walked to the middle rows and sat on the lap of your reviewer. ‘Perhaps it’s only a brief cameo’ I thought hopefully, keeping my eyes pinned to the floor. I thought wrong.

Hauled on stage I soon became a major player in a Day Lewis masterclass. Not to give too much away, but it involved smoke machines, a test of strength and a very passionate love scene.

“I’m getting married in April,” I pleaded. “No you’re not” boomed Riches, marching across the stage and engaging me in one of the most intimate moments I’m ever likely to share with a performer.

When it was over, I staggered back to my seat, dazed, barely able to look my companions in the eye. I think the rest of the show, which involved lizards on skateboards and a man with a colostomy bag, was pretty good – by this stage I was not the best placed to critique.

When I eventually made it home I confessed all to my fiancee. “So did you enjoy it?” she asked, intrigued. “I’m afraid I did” I replied sheepishly. “Enormously.”