Every year the Edinburgh Fringe Festival programme slides into our mailbox and thuds onto the doormat with the promise of another August full of theatre in Scotland's capital. And every year we exclaim: 'how on earth do we pick what to see?', before combing through and selecting the most eye-catching show names. Here's our top 12 for 2019!
There's a lot to unpack in Glockenspielsexpartybavariagoodbye, which seems to defy both reason and grammar. The play has something to do with mythical beasts, dominatrices, Bavaria and agoraphobia and it all sounds like a complete hoot. Greenside @ Infirmary Street, 19 to 24 August
Who Killed Bambi?
Naming your show after a famous Sex Pistols song is a big risk when those are some mighty studded boots to fill. A punk murder mystery set in '70s south London (and nothing to do with that endearing yet traumatising Disney film), one for the rockers in Edinburgh. The Space on North Bridge, 12 to 17 August
Everything I See I Swallow
We're very intrigued not only by this title, but also by the content of Shasha and Taylor's circus show – which discusses empowerment and sexuality using aerial rope work and Japanese rope bondage. Summerhall, 31 July to 25 August
Since U Been Gone
We hope that all of Teddy Lamb's future productions take their titles from Kelly Clarkson anthems – there's "Because of You", "Stronger" and "A Moment Like This" to chose from. This noughties nostalgia-filled show does look like a corker, co-produced by HighTide and The Queer House. Assembly Roxy, 31 July to 24 August
Sh!t Theatre Drink Rum with Expats
The makers of DollyWould and Guinea Pigs on Trial are back with another funkily titled piece, which as you might expect is about alcohol and Brexit. Because a lot of the time you need the former to cope with the latter. Summerhall, 31 July to 25 August
I Lost My Virginity to Chopin's Nocturne in B-Flat Minor
For research purposes we had a listen to "Nocturne in B-Flat Minor" and to be fair it is quite a nice tune so good on them. Pleasance Courtyard, 31 July to 26 August
Have I Told you I'm Writing A Play About My Vagina
We are reliably informed that someone has written a play about their vagina. Though this vagina sounds very adept – in Ella Langley's play it can narrate, DJ and dance, though trickily has an aversion to sex. Paradise in Augustines, 3 to 25 August
Die! Die! Die! Old People Die!
Ridiculusmus' inflammatorily titled caper has already caused a stir when it opened in Battersea, and the legendary theatre company's last hurrah is now heading up to the Fringe for a couple of weeks. Summerhall, 13 to 25 August
Johnny Depp: A Retrospective on Late-Stage Capitalism
The rise and fall of the '90s heart throb turned controversial figure is a tale well worth staging, and Val Dunn and Jenna Kuerzi have taken it upon themselves to do just that. The Place – The Baird, 1 to 10 August
Unexpected Item In the Bagging Area
It definitely helps to have your show title said on repeat in every supermarket up and down the country, so in terms of publicity wins this goes a long way. This new musical sounds like great fun, and to whet the appetite of any middle class fringe-goer, claims to feature brioche. Underbelly Cowgate, 1 to 25 August
A Brief History of the Fragile Male Ego
It might take a Herculean effort to make this a "brief" history considering how much fragile male ego there has been over the centuries, but Jordan and Skinner's new solo show is having a stab. Pleasance Dome, 31 July to 26 August