Theatre etiquette: A view from the stalls

If the results of our theatre etiquette survey are anything to go by, an average visit to the theatre these days feels a little like a 'Spoons on a Friday night. You'll be surrounded by people singing (not the actors), puking in the stalls, urinating in the aisles and being hopelessly, horribly drunk. But do these things really happen at the theatre? As part of our week focusing on audience behaviour it seemed only fair to try and experience first hand some of the horrors reported.

I'm a regular theatre-goer and, I have to say, I have never witnessed anything like the behaviour brought up in the survey. So to change all that, I booked into a Friday night performance of the West End musical Mamma Mia!. Prime-time for hen (and stag?) parties. Surely I'd witness a drunken fight or laugh into my drink as someone loudly sang along.

Once in the theatre, I scanned the auditorium for any signs of rowdiness – families (boring), couples (potentially boring) and then I found the holy grail – a 14-strong hen party decked out in full lycra regalia, complete with wigs. This was it: my turn for the horror story. The performance started and audience members quietly clapped along to the big songs, a few sang along but not too loudly – nothing like that lady from Nottingham. How dare people be well behaved! To try to encourage some dancing, I started to sway a bit in my seat as the really big numbers were belted out but it didn't take on. I think I was more annoying than anyone else.

During the interval I made a beeline for the hens and quizzed them on why they chose to see this musical (bride's favourite), had they been singing along (yes but not very loudly) and do they think they'll be more rowdy in the second act a few more drinks down (yes, a little). Hmm. I gently encouraged them to sing louder and let rip, "You're on a hen party!" I said, "Woo!" They weren't sure.

Act two came and went and the worst thing I witnessed was a woman taking a long phone call with the babysitter from the stalls. With my constant turning around and smiling encouragingly every few songs to try to induce some crowd-action, I think it's safe to say I was probably the most irritating one in there.

So what have I taken away from all this? It seems it is always a gamble with theatre – from whether you actually enjoy the show and don't think twice about the audience to whether you might have someone sitting next you who thinks it's acceptable to take their socks off and pick their feet (an actual response from our survey). But isn't that the beauty of theatre? It's all about those ephemeral moments that you simply can't get anywhere else – for the better or the worse.

WhatsOnStage will be featuring a series of interviews and blogs with people involved in the theatre industry about their opinions on our survey and theatre etiquette. Keep up to date with the conversation by following @whatsonstage and #theatreetiquette and visiting this link.