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Rita? Ready or Not? Here She Comes!

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Firstly, hello and hi. I'm Rita. Rita Trump.

I'm about to embark on a little adventure to the land of kilts and tartan. This land is Scotland, Edinburgh to be precise, or 'Burgh as all my cool friends are referring to it as. Its a far out exotic place (I'm flying Easy Jet to get there, so it must be). Yes, thats right I'm off to see my dear friend Ed and his Fringe. Although his Fringe has grown so much in recent years, its slightly overgrown, he's starting to resemble Cousin It, but there you go. Nevertheless I am off to perform, with my fellow stand up partner in crime, our show Rita Trump and Julie Jones: Screw Loose Women as part of the Laughing Horse Free Fringe at Edinburgh City Football Club.

It is my first Edinburgh Fringe. So right now i am feeling a huge sense of: The Unknown. This trepidation is manifesting itself into: The Fear. Have you heard of The Fear? Lilly Allen refers to it quite a bit. But as my dear friend, Franklin Roosevelt once said, "there's nothing to fear but fear itself."

Never have such words rung so true. I figure losing my Edinburgh Fringe virginity is a bit like losing any other type of virginity (and I've been lucky enough to lose my virginity a few times), it'll hurt the first time, but each time you do it the more fun you'll have. You have to speculate to accumulate as they say on The Apprentice.

People keep asking me, "Rita, are you ready?" And I say, "Ready? I was born ready!" But this is merely bravado. I'm all talk, (I'm a comedian), I cant actually walk the walk. I'm not scared as such, more vaguely, slightly.... petrified. There's a difference. But I figure I'll fit right in, I mean I love haggis, I like men in skirts and I have a fringe myself (have done since 1992), so what can go wrong? And besides, I've got my mate 'Psycho Julie' (other comic in my show) to keep me on the straight and narrow, (I have been known to go curvy and wide if I eat too many carbs).

But all in all, I'd say I'm just about ready to embrace the biggest arts festival in the world with open arms.......... hell I'll give it a massive snog, I'm very tactile, don't you know, after a few Cheeky Vimtos.

Speaking of Cheeky Vimtos, as soon as I land in 'Burgh, (I just referred to it as 'Burgh, I think this means I am cool) in true jet setting style I'll be whisking myself off to the big Launch Party. I do love a Launch Party. I'm tremendously excited. Launch Parties always involve lots of free canapes and lots of talking to important big wigs. I tend to get on with big wigs, probably because I'm follically challenged myself.

So bring on the 'Burgh! Rita is ready for a month with Ed, his ever growing Fringe and the delights of the 'Burgh.

Read Rita's Next Blog: Find out how she gets on at The Big Launch Party. Stay Tuned!


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