Gym addiction: The line between me and my play's protagonist became very faint

As I lunged back into rehearsals this week, I was again confronted with the challenge of exploring the world of body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) – a disorder which for years I've managed to keep at arm's length by channelling it into a character. A role I have adored and loathed in equal measure.

Exercise has long been a constant in my life, but it was only upon leaving the military routine of drama school training in 2012 that the gym became my preferred choice of perspiration. It gave my day the structure and progression that I craved, which as many of you will know is something a career in acting rarely affords you.

With each draft of the play, my training intensified

New to writing I eagerly set about exploring how I could merge this new-found passion with my profession and in an attempt to make it for myself, I cathartically began noting down my semi biographical journey from gym novice to gym enthusiast, excited by the idea and physical challenge of setting the entire narrative within a 60-minute workout.

With each draft my training intensified. Upon further research around the topic of gym addiction I realised the lead character Will, who like one in ten body building gym goers, was suffering with bigorexia or muscle dysmorphic disorder (MDD – reverse anorexia) – a subtype of BDD. Bigorexia is easily overlooked or mistaken for vanity… after all exercise is good for you right? And unbeknownst to me, having for years immersed myself in the world of weight training, I now possessed many of the traits of someone with BDD. The line between character and creator quickly became very faint.

A daily gym session soon became gym sessions, a calorific social calendar easily slid towards a protein fuelled evening of rest and body analysis; letting loose less often with only a vodka slimline tonic.

Thankfully with my writer's eye switched on and with this new-found knowledge I was able to step outside myself, by taking any self-deprecating thoughts and feelings and channelling them into Will, sending him further down the rabbit hole of BDD.

Encouraged by audience reactions to some sweaty staged samples we booked our run at the Edinburgh Festival where we received a fantastic four star review from The Scotsman but it was the heartfelt responses from known and unknown sufferers of BDD that ranked highest.

A Gym Thing has ignited a love for writing

A Gym Thing's journey over the past five years has pushed me physically and mentally further than I had ever envisaged, giving me far more than the role on stage I set out for. It has ignited a love for writing; a creative friend to turn to when not working and has enabled me to understand and healthily manage the turbulent relationship I have with my mind and body.

Above all I hope that A Gym Thing will act as a vehicle to further raise awareness around this debilitating mental health disorder.

If you have been affected by anything mentioned in this article or would like some more information then please get in touch with the Body Dysmorphic Disorder Foundation.