Um, excuse me? British Government? Where are you and why aren’t you coming to more Fringe shows? You might think that the Fringe is all drama freaks drinking excessive amounts of whisky, but amidst the drunken haze, there are some extremely important policy developments going on. I know it’s tempting to just stay home and watch TV - those gardening shows are admittedly addictive - but the answer to all of the world's political problems are at the Fringe and, as your temporary American constituent with no voting power, I’m outraged that you aren’t taking us seriously!!

Alex Salmond, the First Minister of Scotland, apparently has a “heavily committed diary” and Ed Vaizey, the UK Culture Minister, might be missing the biggest cultural event in his own country! 

Take for example, my very own show, The Israeli-Palestinian Conflict: A Romantic Comedy. The show tracks the Middle East back to a fateful run-in between Israel and Palestine at the Geneva Convention in 1948. What started as a flirty dinner turns into a one-night stand and then decades of relationship drama resulting in the conflict we all know and love (to be frustrated by) today. But the show doesn’t just cite problems, oh no. Our goal is peace. Similar to the Two State Solution, we came up with an answer called: The Two Genital Solution. Now, don’t you think the Quartet’s Special Envoy to the Middle East (the gentleman named Tony “Michael Sheen” Blair), should be investigating the political merits of the undoubtedly effective Two Genital Solution? (He can't come either). If everything else has failed, why can’t large scale boning between Israelis and Palestinians be at least tested as a policy option?

Or, British Government, you could check out the folks at Politically Erect Comedy, where undoubtedly more genital-based solutions are proffered. Becky Donohue’s Bilingual Comedian is effectively resolving all European immigration issues if only some sort of governing body would take notice (I’m looking at you, Parliament). 

Or you could see Skinny Bitch Jesus Meeting, a duo that’s bridging the gap between hot skinny girls and religion (something that Margaret Thatcher attempted but clearly never achieved). 

Never mind the international peacekeeping stylings of my other scheduled show, The Dirty Immigrant Collective – they’re like the UN General Assembly but without the Oil-For-Food scandal or headsets. Of course you won’t see David Cameron in the Dirty Immigrant audience because he hasn’t responded to my invite yet! I’m a constituent with feelings, Mr. Cameron. Rude! 

I’m holding out for Mike Pringle, the only solid “maybe” I got out of the Scottish Parliament. Pringle clearly knows where all the solutions to the world’s problems are – they’re obviously at the Fringe!

Negin co-wrote and is performing in The Israeli-Palestinian Conflict: A Romantic Comedy. She is a Californian-raised Iranian-American, who is now based in New York. Negin holds two master's degrees from Columbia University where she studied public policy and race relations. She was winner of the Lifetime Woman Filmmaker Award for her short film, Hot Bread Kitchen and her solo show, Bootleg Islam, which she wrote and performed, has appeared in multiple comedy festivals around the US, culminating in an off-Broadway run.

The Israeli-Palestinian Conflict: A Romantic Comedy runs at Whistlebinkies, 7-25 August at 17.15.