John Fitzpatrick: 'Pride served to bolster me when I needed it'

My first Pride was momentous to say the least, not because of anything that happened on the day but because of the aftermath. I was tempering a hangover on the sofa in my parents' living room when my mum tentatively approached me with an open copy of The Irish Times. She showed me page four, where I was pictured, pink whistle in hand, marching among the crowd in Dublin’s Pride Parade. ‘Is this you?’ she asked. ‘No’ I said, responding in a panic. ‘Oh, it’s just… he’s wearing your clothes.’

It was obvious neither of us wanted to have this conversation. I had a barrage of messages on my phone that day including one from a friend which read ‘Spotted sporting pink whistle. Did you blow it?’ Later that day my mum called and asked if I’d come home and speak to her and Dad. We had an awkward conversation and then we didn’t speak about it for years. And now that I think about it I didn’t attend Pride for years.

It was not until I was living in London and my younger brother had come out that I once again attended Pride. He had stopped talking with my family and I was the go between, but strangely his courage to stand up for himself encouraged me to be more confident. That year we both marched in the parade, my brother with his new boyfriend and me recently heartbroken but looking fabulous.

Now a few years later I’ve written my first play and it’s all about how we try to legitimise ourselves through relationships, with marriage supposedly being the zenith. It’s also running at the Soho Theatre as part of London’s Pride celebrations. When the idea was suggested I had no hesitation, I knew this was something important for us, as a production, to be a part of.

Pride may be a controversial subject in the way that it has developed and what it stands for. Many people have criticised it in the same way people could argue that equal marriage is just co-opting queerness into a patriarchal society and by extension economy.

For me, Pride was a great formal statement and it served to bolster me at times when I needed it. There’s nothing like marching with thousands of people who are celebrating your queerness to top up your confidence for daily life. And daily life still exists in a predominantly normative world. The schools we go to, the families we grow up in and the places where we work are only beginning to come out of the structural biases and inequalities which have prevailed for so long. If we want to continue to have the strength to take on the daily fights for equality, it helps to have a parade once a year to top up your courage and solidarity.

By John Fitzpatrick

This Much will be performed at Soho Theatre from 7 June to 2 July 2016. London Pride runs from 10 to 26 June.