Confessions of a Box Office Manager: Staffing issues

I'm not looking forward to this one bit, it has been playing on my mind all the way into work this morning.

The situation is this: we have a new casual member of staff -let's call her 'Emma' (not her real name) – and she is driving everybody up the proverbial wall. She has only been with us four weeks and already I have had two clerks (only one of whom is a habitual drama queen) threatening to walk out, and at least another three turning mutinous.

It doesn't help that we had another new person start at the same time as 'Emma' who is personable, good at the job and, crucially, doesn't rub everyone else up the wrong way. The irony is that 'Emma' was recommended to me by a fellow BOM, who said she was "tremendously enthusiastic", "great company" and "desperate for the work". Well, two out of three is true I guess, and if your idea of "great company" is talking non-stop, chiming across conversations other staff are having with their customers, filling any moment of quiet time by belting a show tune at full volume, taking calls from her agent IN THE MIDDLE of serving a customer, trying to tell the deputy BOM how to do their job, and habitually referring to the other recent starter as "the new boy" then yes, 'Emma' is a party in a dress.

She is also jawdroppingly competitive, which I know is essential if you're an actor (which of course she is) but every hour checking how much money she's taken in comparison to her colleagues and screeching "The Winner Takes It Alllllllllllll!" when she comes out on top, is never going to go down well. This is not Wall Street. Or Mamma Mia. She even got into an embarrassing sing-off situation with another girl who also happens to be a 'resting' performer, and had only come in to drop off her CV for potential front-of-house work. They were so busy belting and emoting at each other that neither of them noticed me in the background doing my best 'Munch's Scream' impersonation. I'm kicking myself now that I didn't ask the BOM who recommended her why HE didn't give her a bloody job…

So today is the day when I've decided I must take 'Emma' aside and have a little word. Not looking forward to it as it effectively means that I am going to have to point out that her personality isn't a good fit for the team here and needs dialing down, and, believe it or not, crushing somebody else's natural exuberance is not something I relish doing: I was young and enthusiastic once… just probably not that young, and certainly not THAT enthusiastic.

As I approach the box office it is fifteen minutes before we officially open and the blinds are still down, although from within I can clearly hear 'Emma' trilling vivaciously at one of her colleagues Darren, who is merely grunting in response. Clearly his coffee hasn't kicked in yet. Mine has though, I feel really on edge.

"Morning all!" I say as I let myself in.

'Emma' turns towards me with a sugary smile, while Darren gives me a look of imploring resignation.

"DEAR HEART!" she gushes, as I check behind me to make sure it's actually me she's addressing and that somebody else hasn't just followed me into the office, "I so desperately need a word with you!"

"Oh? OK then, shall we step into the back office?" I say (This is not quite going according to plan).

"Yes I think we'd better, Daz sweetheart you'll be alright to open up won't you? This shouldn't take too long" she says to the increasingly bewildered-looking Darren. I rather think it should have been ME asking him to cover the front, but instead I stand there opening and closing my mouth like a gormless goldfish.

Into the back office we go…

"Please… take a seat" says 'Emma', smoothing her skirt as she sits ON MY DESK. (What the hell is going on here?!)

I perch gingerly on a chair and clear my throat to speak but she's already one step ahead of me…..

"I expect you're wondering why I asked to see you…." she begins.

"Well, er…I…um…" I mumble authoritatively.

"It's just that…oh God, I told myself I wasn't going to cry…" – at this she bites her lower lip and dramatically flings her head back: in the reflection of the overheard lights I can indeed see pools of tears gathering in the corners of her heavily made-up eyes- "but you see, I've got a tour…"

"A tour?"

"Yes darling" – she sniffs – "a number one tour. I'm understudying but the bitch playing the lead is from a soap and she'll be off a lot. I'm going to have to leave here at the end of the week. It's just…"

"Just what, Emma?" (She starts snivelling at this point, so luckily she doesn't notice that I just called her Emma. Not her real name. Could've been awkward.)

"…it's just that… I've had a lovely time here, and I wish I could stay…" she launches herself across the office at me for a slightly awkward hug. I am absolutely dumbfounded, and feeling a strange mixture of relief and guilt.

"There, there" I coo, trying to ignore the fact that she is getting mascara all over my white work shirt. "The tour won't last forever…WILL IT…?!"

"Six months, with a possibility of a three month extension" she sniffs into my best Tyrwhitt (she's not actually blowing her nose down there, is she? Oh God, it feels as though she is).

"Sooooo…" (may God forgive me for this) "give me a call when you're back and if… IF!…we still need casuals I'll put you back on the rota…"

"You're the best boss EVER!" she cries, pulling herself together. I feel like such a heel.

"Well, I doubt Darren would go along with that if I don't get out there now and give him a hand" I say, trying not to look at the front of my shirt. "Are you OK? Take a moment in here, alright?"

Darren stares at me with eyes like saucers when I go back into the main box office.

"What happened to your shirt?"

"I'll tell you later" I answer, digging a jumper out of my bag.

After a few minutes the door swings open and 'Emma' sashays back in, fully made up again, and singing "Time To Say Goodbye" rather more loudly than is comfortable in a room of this size. I can see Darren visibly tense up.

So… this morning really didn't go according to plan did it: I was expecting an awkward confrontation but ended up with a tear-stained resignation, being told I was the best boss (ever), and feeling horribly guilty. But hey… nobody died.

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