Posted 16 October 2007 - 03:30 PM
Ones that make me laugh:
Carousel:
Enoch Snow
I never thought I'd see the woman I am engaged to being carried out o' the woods like a fallen deer!
Carrie
He wasn't carrying me out o' the woods. He was carrying me into the woods.
Sweeney Todd:
We have shepherd's pie peppered with actual shepherd on top.
Out of this World:
Mohammed must come to the mountain,
But nobody's mountin' me.
Pal Joey:
When he talks he is seeking
Words to get off his chest.
Horizontally speaking, he's at his very best.
The chambermaid is very kind:
She always thinks we're so refined.
Of course she's deaf and dumb and blind.
No fools we,
In our little den of iniquity.
The radio I used to hate
But now when it is dark and late
Ravel's Bolero works just great.
(Hell, about half the lines ever written by Lorenz Hart.)
A Little Night Music:
She flutters (How charming!)
She twitters (My word!)
She floats (How alarming!
What is she? A bird?)
She dotes on (your dimple)
My snoring (How dear!)
The point is she's really simple
(Yes, that much seems clear.)
If she'd been all a-twitter or elusively cold.
If she'd only been bitter or better looked passably old.
If she'd been covered with glitter or even been covered with mould
It would have been wonderful.
If she'd only been willful, if she only had fled,
Or a little less skillful, insulted, insisting, in bed,
If she had only been fearful, or married, or tearful, or dead
It would have been wonderful.
Spend Spend Spend offers some toilet humour:
Two loos,
Two loos so you can choose
To use the one for number ones,
And one for number twos.
Drat! The Cat!:
Bob
I'm dancing with Alice, her valentine face
is only a kiss from my own.
One lash of her eyelids surpasses in grace
the whole of my fancies while dancing alone.
No prince in a palace, no sultan or shah
has ever commanded such bliss.
The pastimes of heaven would seem awf'ly blah
after dancing with Alice like this.
Alice
I'm dancing with Jerry, no, Terry, no, Tom.
Poor Tom, he's so comically dense.
I'm finding it hard to maintain my aplomb;
His fingers are freezing, his feet are immense.
Now, Alice, be merry, pretend not to see
His thirty-five principal faults.
Bob
I'm dancing with Alice, she's dancing with me...
Alice
And they're playing the world's longest waltz.
A scourge upon the traitor's neck! A foulness on his breath!
In both his eyes a cinder speck that stings like bitter death!
May vertigo affect him when he's standing on the ground,
An itchiness he cannot scratch when people are around!
The most personally meaningful quote for me comes from a play rather than a musical: The Memory of Water:
Vi: Forgiving someone's just like throwing a switch.
Mary: Is it?
Vi: It's just a decision. And afterwards you're free.
In my opinion anyone interested in improving himself should not rule out becoming pure energy.
(Jack Handey)
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