Top Ten: Theatre Jokes for April Fool’s Day

Happy April Fool’s Day! For no other reason that to, hopefully, make you laugh, here’s a run-down of some theatrically-inspired rib-ticklers. With apologies to lighbulbs and actors, who seem to be the butt of an unfair proportion of the theatre jokes we could find – we still love you guys!

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• Two neighbours in Stratford claim that their home is the true birthplace of Shakespeare. Officials in Stratford proposed to solve the dispute by putting a plaque on both their houses.
• Two deceased actors meet in heaven. One says: “Good grief, is that Trevor Nunn over there? I didn’t realise he was dead.” His acquaintance, who had a slightly longer experience of the afterlife, replied: “Oh no, that’s God- he just thinks he’s Trevor Nunn.”
• Q: How do you drown an actress?

  A: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.

• Q: How many actors does it take to change a lightbulb?
  A: Ten – one to hold the bulb and nine to say “it should be me up there”. OR…
  A: One – the actor holds the lightbulb and the world revolves around him.
• Q: How many directors does it take to change a lightbulb?
  A: Hmmm… Lightbulb… Allow me to ponder the changing of the bulb.
• Q: How many producers does it take to change a lightbulb?
  A: Sorry, a new lamp isn’t in the budget.
• Q: How many lighting designers does is take to change a lightbulb?
  A: None. It’s a carefully orchestrated blackout.
• An actor without technicians is a naked person, standing on a bare stage, in the dark, trying to emote. A technician without actors is a person with saleable skills.
• A stage manager, a sound technician and a lighting designer find a bottle in a corner of the theatre. One of them rubs it and a genie pops out. “Since you all found me,” he says “you each get one wish.” The sound technician steps up and says, “I’d like a million pounds and three beautiful women.” POOF! The sound tech is gone. The lighting designer steps up and says, “Well, if he can have that, I’d like TEN million pounds, and my own personal island with 15 beautiful women!” POOF! The lighting designer is gone. The stage manager steps up and says, “I’d like them both back in ten minutes.”
• If “All the world’s a stage, and all the people merely players”… who the **** has my script?