Sirens

You’re an immortal demi-goddess whose only job is to sing and look beautiful. No, this isn’t a show about Beyonce. Three Greek sirens find themselves washed up on Hastings beach. It’s 2018, Zeus has done a runner, sailors don’t tend to hang about in sleepy coastal towns anymore and sitting around naked on rocks is no longer en vogue. But the sirens are still cursed: any man who hears their voice dies instantly. It’s a drag.