1882. After years of inspiration, innovation, and occasional idiocy, Yorkshireman Thomas Crapper is given the commission to provide toilets for Her Majesty Queen Victoria. On the eve of the first 'royal flush,' Thomas writes a very personal letter - to a girl he hasn't seen in over 40 years... 2012. At an Old People's Home in Crapper's home town of Thorne, Joe -a 'maintenance engineer' (toilet cleaner) - has the job of a lifetime on his hands: he's got to get all the toilets - even the awkward one in room 8 - sparkling clean in preparation for a diamond jubilee royal visit. Has he got enough Cif to cope? Can he persuade Fat Irene to keep offthe nuts? And will his secret plan to solve all his problems work? A revealing, touching and hilarious account of the man who became Britain's number one at getting rid of number two.