The show will have to wait – Edinburgh Fringe artist Tamsin Hurtado Clarke describes her planned show

The lights are in my eyes. Hot and bright. Hot enough to dry my sweat. So bright that I'm blinded. All I can hear is the applause. I love this moment. I love those lights. I love the exhaustion that I feel in my body. I know I have given it everything I have. I'm full of adrenaline and it's addictive. I could be in this moment forever.

But then the alarm goes off and the dog licks my face. Damn.

It's been a couple of months since we got the news that Edinburgh Fringe 2020 was cancelled. Or rather, postponed until next year. I sip my coffee and re-read the email. It's hard to swallow. After all the work and effort to create our latest show and negotiate the perfect performance slot, my company Popelei is more than a little disappointed. "But it was going to be our year!", we bemoan in endless feeling-sorry-for-ourselves Whatsapp threads.

The last time we took a show up to Edinburgh was in 2014. It was a rollercoaster of an experience and although positive overall, we definitely didn't rush to pitch another show until we really believed the time was right. Our new show Push, about a pregnant woman contemplating the pitfalls of motherhood, had felt timely enough to make a splash and darkly funny enough to entertain boisterous festival audiences.

As a small theatre company, this isn't the first big knock we've had and it won't be the las

I can wallow and moan some more. But I won't. I've spent most of lockdown trying to overcome the disappointment. Sh*t happens but we're all in it together. There's nothing like a global pandemic to put things in perspective. As a small theatre company, this isn't the first big knock we've had and it won't be the last. We want to use this time as a chance to grow and think hard about how to become better artists for a potentially very different future. We want to take stock of what we have created over the last eight years and even enjoy a little guilt-free time off.

Luckily, my lockdown spirits have been lifted by a chocolate brown puppy called Monkey. She's four months old now and slowly learning not to pee on the carpet. By the time Edinburgh comes around again, I'll hopefully have a fully toilet-trained adult pooch who can sit on command and wait in the wings for me to finish my performance.

That's the new dream.