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The show will have to wait – Edinburgh Fringe artist Tamsin Hurtado Clarke describes her planned show

A number of companies have had to postpone their shows to next year

The promotion shot for Push
© Richard Davenport

The lights are in my eyes. Hot and bright. Hot enough to dry my sweat. So bright that I'm blinded. All I can hear is the applause. I love this moment. I love those lights. I love the exhaustion that I feel in my body. I know I have given it everything I have. I'm full of adrenaline and it's addictive. I could be in this moment forever.

But then the alarm goes off and the dog licks my face. Damn.

It's been a couple of months since we got the news that Edinburgh Fringe 2020 was cancelled. Or rather, postponed until next year. I sip my coffee and re-read the email. It's hard to swallow. After all the work and effort to create our latest show and negotiate the perfect performance slot, my company Popelei is more than a little disappointed. "But it was going to be our year!", we bemoan in endless feeling-sorry-for-ourselves Whatsapp threads.

The last time we took a show up to Edinburgh was in 2014. It was a rollercoaster of an experience and although positive overall, we definitely didn't rush to pitch another show until we really believed the time was right. Our new show Push, about a pregnant woman contemplating the pitfalls of motherhood, had felt timely enough to make a splash and darkly funny enough to entertain boisterous festival audiences.

As a small theatre company, this isn't the first big knock we've had and it won't be the las

I can wallow and moan some more. But I won't. I've spent most of lockdown trying to overcome the disappointment. Sh*t happens but we're all in it together. There's nothing like a global pandemic to put things in perspective. As a small theatre company, this isn't the first big knock we've had and it won't be the last. We want to use this time as a chance to grow and think hard about how to become better artists for a potentially very different future. We want to take stock of what we have created over the last eight years and even enjoy a little guilt-free time off.

Luckily, my lockdown spirits have been lifted by a chocolate brown puppy called Monkey. She's four months old now and slowly learning not to pee on the carpet. By the time Edinburgh comes around again, I'll hopefully have a fully toilet-trained adult pooch who can sit on command and wait in the wings for me to finish my performance.

That's the new dream.