Nathan Phillips: Why You Should Come & See … Sex You (I’m Gonna)
Rather than waste your time telling you why you should come to Sex You (I’m Gonna), I’d like to talk about how much I’d like to make love to you.
You’re so hot. Yes I know I’m good-looking. I have great bone structure, wide shoulders and an ass that truly thrills. But you are so much more than that.
As I type this, I’m imagining you sitting on my lap at your computer, (or your mobile device), with our legs intertwined and my face pressed against your smooth (or stubbly) cheek. When I look in your eyes it’s as if we were floating alone together in the ocean under a full moon using only my enormous penis as a flotation device. Do you like that?
Imagine we had dinner tonight. A steak (or suitable vegan alternative) and a glass of champagne (or lager). And a salad. (It was an OK salad, not a great salad.)
Afterwards, we go back to my place. It’s super far away from everything, but you’re curious about me. And about my show. I explain to you that it’s not a show, it’s an immersive comedy experience. There are no rules and no script. Just one man trying to convince an audience member to have sex with him.
But, it’s not a lame improv show, or a gross sex show. It’s like a non-stop comedy explosion as I write poems about you, sing songs to you and if I get desperate I put on some Rick James and blow your mind with my amazing dance moves. All so I can invite you on stage, feed you strawberries and shag the daylights out of you.
By the time we arrive at my place, your curiousity has morphed into something else. You want me. Without another word you strip off your dress (or pants) and throw me on the sofa (or up against the wall). You tell me you need me.
“Like how?” I ask. I point out that “technically, you haven’t bought a ticket to the show, dinner doesn’t really count. Thanks by the way.”
And you say “What show?” And I’m like “Sex You (I’m Gonna)”.
And you say, “But Nathan, baby. I just want to make love to you because you’re so devilishly good-looking and muscular.”
But then, I point out that “my contract stipulates that I need to charge people tickets or register with my producers for comp tickets if I’m having sex with anyone during my run at the Fringe.”
This is too much for you to handle. You immediately call (or go online) and purchase 13 tickets for you and your friends to come see Sex You (I’m Gonna). Partially because it’s the most innovative, intense and unique comedy show in a long time, but mostly because you can’t wait to get your hands on my unbelievable ass.
Sex You (I’m Gonna) is on at Just the Tonic at The Store from 4-14 August at 21.00.
