Sally Greene and Mark Goucher, producers of The Vagina Monologues have finally managed to track down Sharon Osbourne, who absconded this past weekend with her daughter Aimee, just days before they were both to make their West End debuts in the show (See News, 4 Apr 2005). The mother and daughter departed without a word to either Greene or Goucher, though they did helpfully distribute a press release to the national media explaining their personal reasons for the withdrawal. According to the latest statement issued on the matter by Greene and Coucher, “communication was finally made late on Monday afternoon from Sharon Osbourne’s management to officially inform the producers of this development”. As a result, it’s now confirmed that neither of the Osbournes will be appearing at any point during the run, and alternative guest stars are being lined up to replace them (See News Update). What’s more, the producers “are now seeking legal advice”. Quite right. And then, perhaps, disappointed theatregoers, many of whom no doubt booked on the basis of the Osbournes, could also seek whole or partial refunds. As it is, they won’t be getting any money back.

UPDATE, 7 April 2005: Further reports in the media this morning have identified Aimee Osbourne’s previously undisclosed illness as a breast cancer scare. According to a statement released by mother Sharon Osbourne last night from Los Angeles, where the pair returned this week, Aimee “found a lump on her breast which she's had removed”. Although the statement did not specify whether the lump was benign or malignant, it went on to say, “The operation went very well on the whole but there have been a few minor complications and she will be having more treatment and lots of rest over the next few weeks. We're sure she'll make a complete recovery."