Porn the Musical

On entering Theatre 503 to see Porn the Musical my expectations were heightened by the huge pair of fishnet-clad legs that envelope the audience from the ceiling. A two-piece band (guitarist Boris Cezek and keyboardist Kris Spiteri, both wrote the music, book and lyrics), entertained us until they were interrupted by the sardonic Malcolm Galea, (co-writer) our perfectly tastelessly dressed narrator.

Galea explains that our hero, Stefan, a hapless bespectacled Maltese carpenter, was about to marry his childhood sweetheart Jade. We find out that “Everyone in Malta is Related”. Unknown to Stefan, the “So Young and yet so Slutty” Jade has “had relations” with a large proportion of the male population on the Island.

So the heartbroken Stefan travels to America to forget his pain, only to be mugged on arrival. He is then befriended by the blonde bombshell, Sanddy (with a Double D) and drawn into the world of porn. He meets studio director Marvin Scoresleazy (played with relish by brown velour leisure suited David Burt), and hunky if intellectually challenged co-star Dr Johnny Long PhD (PhD = pretty huge dick). All seems fine and romance blossoms between Stefan and Sanddy until the entire company come down with the same STD... Suffice to say, this isn't exactly Mary Poppins.

Porn’s fun, self-deprecating approach to musical theatre is refreshing, with cheap sets, props, tricks et al. Kudos to all in the cast, but I must single out Ahmet Ahmet who as Miscellaneous Man, plays the “spare parts” - his moment in the spotlight is quashed by the rest of the cast to hilarious effect.

This is a well conceived show, by all accounts considerably improved (by director Paul Robinson) since its debut at last year's Edinburgh Fringe. It pokes fun at traditional musical theatre, the porn industry with its weak stories, tacky sets and overly endowed performers. The small cast perform splendidly together and with great diction (pun intended), so not a word is wasted. Brendan Cull’s performance as Stefan is a superb mix of naivety, gawkiness and childish enthusiasm, especially in “Naked on a Sunday”. Alan Terzoli as Dr Johnny uses his muscular physique looking good in gold lycra shorts.

Losing a few minutes from the first act would be an improvement, but other than that it is a great little show that thoroughly entertained its audience from foreplay to the final money shot.

- Barry Honeycombe