Well, I've learned many things. I've learned that The Bangles were creepy and that the song Eternal Flame is essentially an anthem for stalkers. I've learned that flip flops in Edinburgh in summer are a waste of space. I've learned that alcoholic ginger beer is lovely but will never, ever get you drunk. That Arthur's Seat is a really difficult climb (don't listen to Wikipedia, the fools!) I've learned that celebrity endorsement of a play, whilst generating interest amongst the public, will not guarantee popularity amongst critics, in fact far from it. I've learned that tourists walk slower in Edinburgh than anywhere else in the world. I've learned that bagpipe music still sucks.
I've learned that it is possible to spend a weekend in Edinburgh and not receive a single flyer. Allow me to explain. My wife came up to visit a couple of days ago. One would think that, being married to me, she would be an avid reader of my blogs. This hasn't always been the case in the past, but eager to make amends, she's pretty much up to speed on this set of blogs. Anyway, keen to show me that she's been reading my stuff, she made reference to something I had written about being given hundreds of flyers whilst in Edinburgh. She claimed that she had yet to be given one. I found that hard to believe. I mean, the woman had been in Edinburgh for at least two days. How could that be? I needed to discover the secret of her ways! "It's very easy," she explained. "When someone hands me a flyer I tell them no thanks." Hmm. So I've learned that.
I've also learned that I've got an oddly shaped head. I suppose you'll be wanting an explanation for this one too won't you? Ok, here goes. About a week ago after a performance of Fair Trade, a woman came up to me who I vaguely recognised. She turned out to be the assistant director on a show I had done a few years ago. I was pleased to see her and happy that she had decided to come and say hello. She in turn, expressed her surprise at seeing me in the show. "I didn't know you were in it," she said, "But after a while I recognised the shape of your head." Huh. The shape of my head. Not my face, or my voice or my physical appearance, or even (dare I say) my talent (hehe). No. The shape of my head is, apparently, memorable. Or so I've learned.
What else have I learned? I've learned that it is possible to live off garlic bread for at least a month. That the Free Fringe can be awesome. That pretending not to notice someone you know but don't feel like talking to doesn't work when you're in their home (I'm not going to explain this one). I've learned that Edinburgh can be fun if you're getting paid. That it is possible to sell a show without flyering on the Royal Mile. That hoarding toilet paper can be considered to be unsociable. And that blog entries can't always end in a clever way.
No thanks, don't show this popup again.